Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
