He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
