mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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