it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
