It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
