guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
