Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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