I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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