I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can vaginas get frostbite?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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