I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
