i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
