Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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