____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
