whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
