With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize