I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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