around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
