so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We left an ass print on the piano.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
