You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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