She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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