Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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