He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
