Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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