A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
