you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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