Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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