fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
