I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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