you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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