he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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