I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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