So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
