I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm bleeding and have questions
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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