dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
