He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
