I bet he comes in French.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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