Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The air was thick with penises
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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