it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
