Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
