I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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