It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
