There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
