I want to make a zoo with you.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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