you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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