Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
