I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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