Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize