she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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