Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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