Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
