I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
