I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
