i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
