so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
