too bad you live with your parents still
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize