The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize