3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
