When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
