Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
