How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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