I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
