The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I checked into jail on foursquare
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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