rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
