I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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