I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
