The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So many bounce houses so little time
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
