ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
