it hurts more in the daytime
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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