lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We left the knife in your bed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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