when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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