i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sext me about skeletons
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize