i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
