you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
