I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
