just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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