Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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