i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
