is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
