She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
