Pappa wants mamma naked
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize