Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize