You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
